This weekend I am heading to a Nudist Camp (down the ridge in Palmerton near Leighton of all places) for the weekend with my crazy writer friend, Jill Gleason. We are going as experiential observers, to write stories. We will be standing there with our sweating glasses of iced tea (or harder stuff) and notepads, interviewing and jotting down notes. We plan to participate but am not sure when we will jump in and on what level.
Some folks think half the guys walk around with hard ons and they stare at your nipples.
Some folks think most of these people are extremely bored in life and have nothing else to do.
Some folks think they are all perverted and probably swing with each other.
Some think there are orgies.
Some think there are all sorts of people there, many professionals, who just like to live life without their clothing on.
Some people think no one looks at anyone- that it is just polite to avert your eyes.
Some people think it must be very freeing
Some people think everyone will be older and no one’s body will look good but rather saggy, fat and disgusting.
Some think they must live very restricted lives and need this as a release.
So what do they do when it is cool out in the summer months- turn the heat on so they don’t gave to throw on a shirt? And do they keep the air conditioner on low because if it is too cool, you’d need a sweater then too and all of this would defeat the purpose of going to a nudist camp. (And what exactly is the purpose of going to a nudist camp?) They would have to maintain a comfortable temperature or it would defeat the purpose of spending the money to walk around nude, because we can walk around where we live with a sweater on without getting arrested for indecent exposure.
And what about the campers- do they risk getting crackling flying embers on their bare bodes as they sit naked around a campfire?
Do they all rub suntan lotion on one another as part of the ritual?
So many questions. I have so many questions and so does every person I know that I have spoken to about this upcoming experience. They want my phone on and handy so they can communicate. But where am I supposed to put it? Do they all wear little name tag sacks on cords around their necks like at conferences containing their key and phone and money to buy drinks? (“Some do,” the owner says). I have a friend whose old girlfriend was a bartender there. She wore clothing and felt stupid.
There is a volleyball tournament scheduled. A karaoke night. An organized hike in the forest Saturday morning. Afternoon dance party by the pool with live band. (“Do they dance with their boobies bouncing and their ‘wallys’ jiggling.?”
“They do,” the owner replies.)
They told me my girlfriend and I have one queen size bed. I told them that is not going to work. If I have to look at her naked butt all day, I sure as heck don’t want to sleep with her. They are bringing in a blow-up mattress for the floor.
When I asked what to bring, I was told.. a towel (That takes care of the gross leaking body fluids) to sit on and sunscreen. Shoes for hiking. Shoes for dancing (do they wear them to the “nightclub” so spilled beer and people don’t step on your bare feet?)
I was also told that you can wear or take off clothing according to your comfort level. Their motto is, “Nude when possible. Clothed when necessary.” When I asked if we should perhaps ease into it, I was advised, “It’s just to best strip it off like a Band-aid- Quickly.”
When I first called for information, the receptionist asked me, “Haven’t you ever been to a nudist camp before?”
“Oh, you are going to have SOOOO much fun.”
That remains to be seen.